21

"Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know.
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive..."

Ed Sheeran's 'Photograph' is floating through my earphones into the very core of my consciousness as I walk down the super-clean, super-deserted tarred street that leads to my house. A kid zooms past me on a rickety bicycle with such a dignified look on his face. I'm pretty sure he was riding a Harley Davidson in his mind.
I turn back to watch him as he swerves and makes a left. Without a care in the world, probably about eleven.
I sort of envy him.
I miss being a kid.

Today is the 21st of February, 3 days from my 21st birthday.
As I walk, brief scenes from the past year float through my mind like a slideshow. I realize that I've traversed the full spectrum of human emotion in the past year. Or so I've deluded myself to believe. Anyway, its a good delusion. Coz now, I feel like there's nothing to fear. No foreign, unfelt feeling lurking in the dark corners, waiting to swoop down on me when I lay down my guard.

In the past year, I've lost dear friends to Life and I lost one to Death. I've experienced the fulfilment that comes from giving and adding value to others, and I've had to submit to be taken care of in times of despair.

I've enjoyed the bliss that is born of a sense of belonging, and I've sunk deep into the horrors of being lonely, insecure, and merely tolerated.
I've felt the exhilaration of ministering in song and words to people broken, thirsty, and hungry for the truth; and I've sat in the crowd, soaking in the virtue gushing forth from men and women who've had their vessels filled with essence straight from the highest seat of divinity.

I've loved and been loved.
I've been hurt and I've hurt others.
Despair, disdain, anger, joy, comfort, hunger, satisfaction, frustration, indifference... I've been there, done that.

So, come on, Life.
Hit me with your best shot.
.
.
.
Okay Life, chill. Don't take that too personally abeg.
I just dey start.

But I'm here. I won't shy away or dodge 'em bullets no more.
I know for a fact that God won't let me go through what I'm incapable of handling.
And therein lies my strength and confidence.

(Model: Tosan Dudun IG @tosan_dudun)