How do you know???

Today, a friend asked me for relationship advice.

ME!!

I was pleasantly surprised.

Anyway, she’s wondering what to do: she misses her ex and she’s “…currently in a relationship with someone I don’t even like.”

Ridiculous as it may seem to you, I could actually empathize with her. And this has little to do with my large spectrum of tolerance & compassion for every Tom, Dick and Harriet or my hero complex.

Hers is not an exceptional case.

In fact, I daresay 25 out of every 40 who read this can relate personally to her story.

Intimate relationships are a dime a dozen these days and it’s no news how watered-down mass-produced things could be – from the always-vilified low grade products of our brethren in ***** to the 1-dollar shops in “the abroad”.

Now, it is actually an anomaly for a good-looking dude to not have a girlfriend somewhere (and vice-versa).

“I’m single” is always reacted to with either a sarcastic remark or a statement of disbelief when someone cute says it. As if being in a relationship (or dozens of relationships, as the case may be) is an achievement everyone should have scratched off of their bucket-list.

I asked my friend, “When last did you stay for a period of 6 months without a boyfriend?”

I asked this because most of us get so knee-deep into the whole relationship thing that we eventually lose our own identity to the relationship. It becomes difficult to define ourselves without our “significant other” showing up in the picture. 

How do you know you're in love?

"Your heart would be at peace."

"You would be happy." 

"You're in love when the person becomes your first prayer point."

"When you see the person, your bodi go dey shake."

These were some of the responses I got when I asked this question on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. Every one and their momma has their own definition of love and what it means to be in love. 

Sometimes, I really do not blame those folks who think no such thing exists. That "love" is just an idea...or a chemical reaction. Like my friend, Harold(ever the cynic). He said, "Bro, nothing like that exists. It's only a rush of chemicals your body secretes. Eg Oxytocin, Dopamine, and a host of others, and your "heart" interprets it as LOVE."

I'm tired of this guy. But I see his point. The whole thing has been watered down. Some people are more in love with the "idea" of being in love than they are with the one they think they're in love with. Some are more in love with the "idea" of that person than they are with the person themselves. 

Here's what another friend of mine, Bello (a blogger too), had to say about it: "Some stay in relationships just because the other person 'looks good' on them. Like they're a piece of accessory to be worn."

I couldn't agree more.

Oh well...I'm sure some of you are wondering who gave me the guts to even start a conversation about love. I'm 21 years old and I should be all about building a career and improving my life. I'll tell all of you in Nigeria, my beloved motherland, and in U.S of A and Kenya and all those countries I see in my blog back-office who I have no idea how they stumbled upon my ramblings, this: Kids have an in-built bullshit-detection mechanism. And I grew up detecting a lot of bullshit relationships. So I have to talk, because I want to get married someday to someone who I'm properly in love with. So I need to be well-informed and know what I'll be getting myself into!

PS: If by divine providence, my future soul-mate is reading this; Babe, you better act right. Coz this love business is no small issue.

And to the rest of you: tell me...

How do you know you're in love?

(Hey guys, I'm sure you noticed the place I put "***" 

Is it appropriate for me to use "Aba" there? Or would that be non-patriotic?

Suggest‎ions are welcome mbok.)